Thirty

My life has been filled with quite the adventures lately and it all started with a list of things to accomplish and about two months to do it. In all honesty, it actually started last June when I realized that I only had three hundred and sixty five days left in my twenties. There was something about looking beyond twenty-nine that rattled me. The list part didn’t come until later.

It wasn’t that I was not excited to see what the third decade of my life would hold, it was just that I knew it wasn’t going to look as I had always imagined. I found myself willing time to slow down, hoping that maybe somehow as the days got closer, I would feel more ready. More than once I tried to figure out what had me feeling this way and why I seemed to be struggling so much with something that usually brought me joy. After all, I love a good reason to party.

Being stuck in this thought pattern led to a sense of disappointment that took root and started messing with my mind. Beyond that, I began to let it mess with my heart. I think that’s exactly why the Bible tells us not to “conform to the pattern of this world, but [to] be transformed by the renewing of our minds” (Romans 12:2). Our thoughts matter and the enemy knows how to use them against us. He knows exactly what it takes to get us off track and headed in the wrong direction. And the road I had been traveling on as the months progressed was absolutely not the direction God intended for me. Satan whispered rejection where God offered hope and instead of leaning into the promises of God that I know to be true, I listened to the wrong voice just long enough to spiral into his web. It’s not something I like to admit, but I think it’s something I must learn from in order to move forward.

As I began to unravel the things that had been weighing me down, I realized that perhaps it wasn’t about turning a certain number, but rather about not being able to see the next season. Letting go of what I can physically see and instead believing by faith is a lesson I haven’t quite been able to fully master yet. I know in my heart that I need to trust, but actually walking it out is sometimes a different story.

As I wrestled through the months leading up to my birthday, the Holy Spirit worked to remind me that 30 was something to celebrate. I thought about how many milestones I had accomplished in those years. I thought about all God had done from the first breath I had ever breathed to the things that I get to be apart of these days. I thought about a plan and a purpose and a hope and that even though things may not look exactly how I thought they would at this point, I can appreciate how beautiful the story turned out anyway. The surprises and roadblocks and things I never expected only deepened my faith, enriched my character and showed me God’s love and presence in all things. There are things that I still wish I could edit or rewrite or change, but I have to remind myself that I can’t see the whole picture right now and that God is weaving a testimony that one day will work together for a greater glory in the most amazing way.

I attended a funeral just days before my birthday and it struck me in a fresh light that there is so much more to our lives than simply existing. How we live and how we invest and who we touch weigh far more than the meaningless things we chase after so often. The things I get bogged down in right now are not going to matter beyond my last breath on this side of Heaven. Accepting each day as a gift and embracing the place God has placed me will serve far better than living in discontentment or comparison. Whether I’m looking at thirty or sixty or even one hundred, I don’t want to fear what is next or uncertain or long for something else; I want to courageously take the next step and know that I can trust God to have me in the right season and the right place. And I want to be able to trust that the story is unfolding exactly on time.

It was when I finally started to embrace my next birthday that the idea for the list I referred to earlier came to me.  I had an epiphany one Tuesday night in class. I was taking notes and  listening to my teacher talk about making a difference and using your time wisely and it hit me that perhaps I should do just that.

I rolled the idea around in my head that night as I drove home and then soon announced to my friends and family that I would be doing something I called 30 before 30. I know the idea isn’t exactly original itself but I have to believe that trying to complete it in only two months probably is not something most people tackle, especially when two of the weekends in those two months would be spent at work.

Nevertheless, I set out to make the last days of twenty count. With the time restriction, I knew it wasn’t going to be anything like hot air ballooning or sailing around the world, but I made a list of things I thought would be fun or add value to my life and others.

There were things on the list like:

Do something spontaneous.

Conquer a fear.

Have a day dedicated to childhood.

Stop and smell the roses. Literally.

Learn something new.

Do something I’ve never done before.

Invest in something eternal.

Make someone else’s day.

Write a letter to my future self with 40 things to do before 40. 

Explore a new city.

Plan a trip of a lifetime.

Make a mistake and be okay with it.

There were more things on the list, but I think you get the idea. I started mapping out plans and making checklists, but a funny thing happened as I journeyed through my 30 before 30 list. God used it in a completely different way than I expected. Then again, He is always doing that.

The list taught me to live in a posture of expectancy. And it taught me to look beyond myself and my season and what today looks like right now. I stopped trying so hard to check things off of a list and instead became open to what God was doing in me and around me. I tried to see each moment and each person in my life as a gift. And I tried to just be present in the beautiful, messy, uncertain season I am currently planted in today.

The biggest surprise of all is that I haven’t finished my list. Not yet. I got really close, but then God did other things like open the door to traveling to another country, giving me another opportunity to lead at work, sending friends to fill my life with laughter and memories and learning a few more things before exiting this decade. I’m going to keep at it, but I think I’m going to drop the 30 part and just call it things to do. Or maybe I’ll drop the list part too and just live each day in expectation of what God will do.

He gave me two things in my quiet time this week. One was a phrase that said, “value the season you’re in.” The other was a verse found in the Gospel of Luke. It says, “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because He has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

I don’t think those two messages were by accident. I think they have God’s divine fingerprints all over them. I’m going to value this season and I’m proclaiming thirty to be the year of the Lord’s favor. I’m proclaiming it for you too. Whatever season you may find yourself in right now, remember to celebrate it. Use it for God’s glory. Look for good even when it seems like there isn’t any. Do what He is calling you to do in the place He has you. And let go of things that don’t matter. Have faith dear friends. You won’t be where you are forever, but you can’t get to what is next until you embrace where you are right now. I believe you are there for a reason. Believe it too and as Dr. Seuss says, “Oh the places you will go…”

-Only Hope


To my twenties, I say thank you for all that we experienced together. From my accord to my civic, from Riverside to Vestavia (and all in between), from Montevallo to Highlands College, you’ve watched me grow and travel and learn and you’ve given me wings to where God is calling me next. You’ve seen me say goodbye to a grandfather and hello to new friends. You’ve seen tears and laughter and a calling to leadership. You’ve carved out your own choices and path, started a blog and learned all about libraries. And you’ve taught me that things don’t always turn out the way we plan or think, but that trusting Jesus will always be a firm foundation. You’ve taught me life can be hard but it is always a gift. You’ve shown me that people don’t remember what you say, but rather how you make them feel. And you’ve taught not to give up, to work on pulling the walls down and to keep taking steps. Thank you twenties for being there with me and thank you for all of those who shared those memories and moments with me. Here’s to the thirties! May you delight, surprise, bring favor and unfold the most beautiful story this next decade with me.