New

I have considered the possibility of bringing this blog back for a while now, but always made excuses. I am honestly still not sure that I have the time it takes to launch Only Hope Blog again, but during 21 Days of Prayer (a time our church sets aside each January and August) I felt that familiar tug, only this time it came with more. I read some words from Lysa Terkeurst that said, "She will be a beacon of light in extreme darkness. She will be a voice of hope when others feel all is lost" (It's Not Supposed To Be This Way, 217). That is what I want; what I feel called to be... a voice of hope and a light.

I don't know exactly what this will look like, but I know I have to try. I hope you will journey with me once more as I walk this path. And I hope you will be inspired and encouraged to be a beacon of light in whatever area God has called you to shine. You may not remember that Only Hope Blog initially started with a story about a lady at the beach and some shells. It was a story about allowing God to fill my hands. This story also involves that same idea, only this time it's about emptying my hands. This story starts with a car.

My 2001 Honda Accord had been struggling on and off for months. Oil leaks, faulty distributors, rough shifting and having to get rides to and from work a couple of times had been ongoing as of late. I knew the end was coming, but I had secretly hoped it would just keep holding on. Just a little longer.

It was when an oil spot began to reappear on the driveway where I parked that I realized the battle was far from over. In fact, it was probably just beginning. It was time to admit to myself that I had two options. Keep pouring money into repairs that might not work or get a new vehicle.

There had already been several changes in my life around the time of this realization and the thought of getting a new car seemed to push everything over the top. Let’s just say I was having a moment. And in that moment I did what seemed to be my default—I took matters into my own hands. I worried. I crunched numbers and looked at my bank account. I lived on CarMax and Car Gurus. I was consumed by the possibility of change. Change that could blow in at any time and in any direction. It was a lot.

And then in a quiet moment with the Lord I felt everything come rushing to the surface. It might sound silly to other people, but I loved that little Honda Accord. I know it was getting old, but it had been through a lot with me. I thought back to the beginning.  It had been wrecked by its previous owner, bought by someone who fixes cars and restored back to its glory just for me. I had waited for weeks for it to be ready to drive home. I had called a dozen different times hoping that it would finally be the day they told me it was ready.

Not only had I waited for it, but it held so many memories. I both started the fall semester of 2009 at Montevallo in that car and graduated in it two years later. It faithfully drove me to every job from the first one I ever held to the one I am currently at now. We went to church and small groups. It carried me to job interviews and meeting up with friends. We navigated my first real road trip together. It knew my secrets, witnessed my tears and heard my prayers. For the last ten years that car had been my loyal sidekick, going along life’s journey with me every step of the way. Suddenly the thought of saying goodbye seemed too much.

As I thought more about the situation I realized even though I am very sentimental, these feelings were not just about losing a car. I think it was more about being afraid of stepping into the unknown. I did not want to let go of something so good; something so familiar. What would happen if I let go only to find out I should have held on? What if it wasn't what I expected or hoped? What if it let me down? What if the not knowing what the future held became too much?

I took a breath and in that moment I looked to the place I should have gone from the beginning. The Holy Spirit spoke into the situation with a clarity I don’t often have in making decisions. God showed me a picture of open hands and whispered "Sometimes you have to let go of what you are holding onto so that I can fill your hands with something different. Even good things must sometimes be released and surrendered so that I can have room to work and do something even better. I know it does not feel like it now, but I have something even greater planned and it will be worth it. Trust me and you will see. I AM making a way."

I flipped back to day one of my 21 Days of Prayer journal and smiled at the remarkable way God works. The very first thing I had written was Isaiah 43:18-19 which says, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing...I AM MAKING A WAY." Underneath were words spoken by my pastor about this verse that said, "God can put good things in the places you think are too late." I think that's the message God is conveying to me as we step into this New Year. And I think it is the message He wants me to share.

That message is this—surrender. Let go of what you are holding onto so tightly that it is robbing you of the new things God wants to do. Let go of old habits and past regrets. Surrender insecurities and hang ups and yesterdays. Don't allow fear to keep you from God's best because you are too afraid to take the next step. Give Him the bad, but also give Him the good and watch what He does with it. Make room in your life and in your heart and in your hands for God to do something only He can.

You know the car situation I was telling you about. It all worked out and yes, you guessed it. God gave me something better than I thought was possible. He showed me first hand that sometimes letting go of something good, makes way for something better. It was hard to say goodbye, but I look forward to all the new adventures that await me and my new ride. Let the adventure begin.

-Only Hope