Sunday, March 5, 2017

Dependence

I had a conversation with God this week that upon reflection is something I think would benefit more than just myself. At least I think God wants me to share it. I won't go into what prompted the conversation but I think it is something that has been on every persons heart in one form or another. The situations vary but the human dependency on God does not. It went a little something like this.
Me: Why did you lead my heart into an impossible situation. A David vs Goliath, except I'm no king to be. I don't even think I could round up sheep.
God: Because I needed you to look to Me. I put you in a situation where you have no choice but to trust that only I can do it. I knew you would have to realize that you can't do it on your own. When it looks impossible I need you to have faith that I can change the outcome in the small things and in the big.
Me: But what if it isn't Your will that this thing happens? What if despite looking to You, it still doesn't happen?
God: It's not so much about whether it is my will or not or even if it comes to pass but about your heart in the matter. It's about if you are trusting Me.
Me: But it is hard to hope and hang on and have faith in something that may not happen. Why put myself through that with no guarantees?
God: Yes, it is hard but if you don't have faith what do you have? If you don't have hope what are you living for? What is faith that has never been activated?
Me: I have nothing without it. I am empty handed. I am broken. I am as powerless as my own abilities without You.
God: It is always always going to be about your heart . I need you to look to Me in all things. Even when it is hard. Even when it seems impossible. Without igniting your faith it would never grow. If you never had to look to Me, would you?
Me: I'd like to think I would, but so often I look up  at the point when I'm on my knees. I look to You when I have no where else to look.
God: Exactly.
Me: But why does it feel like such a struggle if it is something You are showing me?
God:Because I am doing a work in you. Molding always hurts but it produces a beauty worth the pain. Think about the process of purifying silver and iron.
Me: Sometimes I feel like I can't take much more molding. Sometimes I feel like there is no beauty to find.
God: You know my answer: Come to me all who are weary and burdened and you will find rest. Come to me and lay it down. Let me carry it and it won't be so heavy. I see things in a way that you don't. Don't worry so much about what your eyes can see or how much you can handle. Just make sure you are anchored in the right place.
Me: How do I do that? How do I let you carry it?
God: By surrendering it every moment of everyday. Just let go as if you are releasing a balloon. It won't always be easy but the more time you spend in My presence, the less you'll see the struggle.
Me: I think I do let go but then it comes back.
God: That is usually because you allow it back. It's a daily struggle. But once you learn how to fight, it won't seem so hard.
Me: So it all comes back to trust. I can't seem to relinquish control of how I think my life should look.
God: You live in a world that spoon feeds you what your life should look like. My ways  are higher. I call you to much more. It is deeper. Wider. Higher. More. It is what I long for you to step fully into.
Me: I want that too. I want all that, so what has to change?
God: Looking to the wrong places. Filling yourself with what doesn't matter. My love is more than you could ever comprehend. My plans are greater than your eyes could imagine. My ways work. Let that be enough. Give me your faith and your trust and let me do the rest. I've got plans for you!
I let those words from the Holy Spirit flood through my heart and I was amazed that God reaches down time and time again to patiently explain things to me. As I sat in my car scribbling down the conversation I had just had with God, a song came on the radio. It was definitely a God filled moment because the song was by Kyle Kupecky and it was called Plans. I think some of the lyrics are worth sharing:
He's got plans for you // He's got dreams for you // Don't give up now// It's right on the horizon // Say it again, say it again it's true// He's got plans for you
I can't think of  better way to end it except to say, God's got plans for you! Let your dependence rest in Him.
-Only Hope

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